Written by Kevin L. Howard   

April, 2007


Dear Mike Adams (of Townhall.com),


I'm concerned about some of your recent columns.  I'm afraid your attack on the Left may be causing them undue grief.  Surely you've heard many of their complaints.  Apparently, your attacks on them are unfair. 


1.) Your use of satire baffles liberals because they're not accustomed to intelligent humor.  They've been angry so long, they could never appreciate great wit.  Maybe if you bashed Israel or evangelicals, liberals could enjoy your true playfulness.


2.) Your insistence on moral absolutes catches them off guard.  They've been bathed in university 101 (moral relativism) for so long that the only line they can say with absolute conviction is that absolute conviction is wrong. 


3.) Your attack on gay rights activists is hurting a lot of feelings (they're very sensitive about these kinds of things.)  They, like all Americans, have a right not to be offended.  Due to your satire, they can be heard at night crying in their gay bath houses and this is keeping most of San Francisco from sleeping well, making for an irritable west coast crowd.  If you're not careful, the gay rights activists will report you to their sister organization--the ACLU (Angry Calloused Lunatic Universalists). 


4.) Your tough stand on logic--that people should actually try using it when arguing--is bound to earn you the label "sardonic meanie."  Have you not learned by now that people need to feel good more than they need to think clearly?


5.) Your relentless pointing out of a Jihadist working at a major university might be calling too much attention to the poor job universities are doing educating students.  Their strong point is indoctrinating.  Teaching students to hate America is an important task, so Marxists and Jihadists must team up, and your articles could be making it harder for them to unify.  Your comments could also reflect negatively on Islam.  (Besides, the religion of peace might send someone to kill you to prove they are as tolerant as the next religion.)


I'd like to suggest another course of action.  Stop fighting for reason, morality, and free speech.  Instead, hit the speaking circuit, call America evil, defend Hugo Chavez, tell U.S. citizens what Uncle Sam really wants, write a lot of books on how America has oppressed countries worldwide...O wait!  Sorry, Chomsky's already on that assignment.


On second thought, keep being an outspoken, gun-collecting, cigar-smoking, column-writing, conservative professor who uses satire like Rosie O'Donnell uses doughnuts--in abundance!



Kevin L. Howard


PS--If you ever need to get in good standing with the wacky university crowd (forgive my redundancy), you could confess that all along you've been a black oppressed female trapped in a white man's body who would now like to live as the man-hater that you're just now mustering the courage to become.  (You might at least get a scholarship named after you.)  Or you could tell them God made you a conservative who likes satire, and they should accept you the way you are and stop being Satiricalophobic.



Read more articles:

Anti-Racism--A Convenient Morality

Jesus Wore a Pink Skirt

Why Are Gays so Intolerant?

Sidewalk Driver

Chomsky, What About Right and Wrong?

(Letter 1) [With his response]

Chomsky, Your Thinking is Flawed

(Letter 2) [With his response]